At some point in your life, you may have experienced a past breakup that traumatized you. That which still consciously and unconsciously affects you and your present relationships. You may have thought that you have gotten past this and have moved on but there are telltale signs about the way you act and feel that tell otherwise.
This is called “emotional baggage” and everyone carries it in varying degrees. These are emotions that weigh you down and can cause you to doubt or be more protective of yourself. They may in the end even sabotage your current relationships with people you love. It is important that you identify if indeed you have emotional baggage. Be mindful of such telltale signs so that you may come to terms with them and enjoy healthy relationships with other people in the future.
If you have been badly hurt in the past, you cannot be blamed for being extra cautious this time. But do not be too paranoid especially when your partner’s actions don’t give you reasons to suspect anything. Mistrust and paranoia usually sneak in the form excessive behavior like clinginess, neediness and frequent monitoring of loved one’s whereabouts.
Keep your suspicions in check. Respect things that are private. Reading private text messages or eavesdropping on voicemail messages are definite no-nos. No one enjoys being under constant surveillance and this drives people further away in the process.
Obsessive-compulsive Behavior
Despite your partner’s reassurances that you are everything they wanted you to be, you still have that nagging feeling that there are still things to improve on. You are trying your best to be perfect so that there is no reason for your partner to leave you. Self-doubt is always present in your mind that you would think your partner would think the worst of you even if it were quite the opposite. This kind of attitude may turn your relationship sour as you don’t give yourself enough credit and project yourself in a way that your partner may not know who you are anymore.
Creating Barriers
In order to take your relationship deeper, it is important that you both know each other well. Sometimes you put a distance and keep your emotions in check as you are afraid that you might get hurt again. Choosing not to tell him/her about your past relationships can also be a sign and erecting these walls makes your partner having difficulty understanding and reaching out to you. This can only paralyze your relationship and unable to prosper.
Backpedaling on Commitment
Although there are a lot of people out there who are afraid to commit to a relationship, some of them don’t have emotional baggage. They may be not ready or may want to explore other options. But fear of tying oneself down can also point to a deeper problem. Being at this level of the relationship may lead them to being vulnerable with the thinking that they might experience deeper pain when it doesn’t work out. If you don’t give your relationships half a chance, you better do some soul searching. Ask yourself if this is what you really want.
Doesn’t Talk about Family
Emotional baggage isn’t only about romantic relationships; they may also be about your relationship with your family. If you don’t entertain their calls, or don’t spend time with them, this may be the biggest emotional baggage of them all. If you don’t talk about your family to your partner or speak less than favorably about them, it would do you good to confront your issues with them and resolve everything. All past experiences you had with your family may also be reminders for you on how to best handle your other relationships.
