It can be the best time, a time filled with joy and anticipation, or it can be a time filled with stress, anxiety and fear but often being pregnant is both. Expecting parents can be filled with thoughts of how they will handle the coming journey and what it will be like to watch their child grow up. Parents can also be filled with the thought that they aren’t up to the task, at least not right now, not under these circumstances. Many decide the best thing for their child is to have another set of parents and another family. This is where adoption comes in.
Looking Down the Adoption Road
Every situation and every birth mother or set of parents is different, circumstances that are fine for some are overwhelming for others. Adoption is a very personal decision and there are many things to think about. Often talking to family members, friends and learning about what help social services may offer can help make the decision more clear. Birth mothers, fathers and their families can feel grief and loss long after the adoption is finalized. Adopted children are also affected, often wondering why they were given up for adoption. These feelings can have effects on the relationships of everyone touched by the adoption but can often be worked through and many adoption agencies will help with counseling needs. If this is something you are concerned about, discuss it with your adoption agency.
Different Types of Adoption
One thing that makes adoption easier now than in the past is both sets of parents can choose the level of involvement they want with the other. In decades past birth mothers never saw or heard about their child once the adoption had taken place. Now, birth mothers can be informed about how their child is doing and even involved in the child’s life if that is what they choose. Open adoptions are becoming increasingly popular for both birth and adoptive parents. An adoption agency will work to match the needs and wants of both sets of parents, so the process goes smoothly and is less difficult than it was in the past.
Private adoption lawyers or facilitators (in some states) can also help find the right fit but whoever you choose to have help – do your research unfortunately there are those who would take advantage of women at this vulnerable time. There is also State law to consider. The law on how adoptions are done and what legal documents are needed varies State to State, for example many require the baby’s father to sign the adoption papers and grant consent.
Expecting parents can be filled with anxiety no matter what road they choose to go down. Even at the best of times the idea of having another human being depend on you for at least the next 18 years can be scary. Parenting is tough but it is also rewarding. Parents can reduce the worry and feel better about the adoption decisions they make if they do some research. The internet, books, counselors, trusted family and friends can all be resources that will make the decision an informed one, which helps make any road an easier one to take.
Once You’ve Decided
After you have finally made the decision, whether that is in favor of adoption or not, you should have some peace of mind. Feeling confident and comfortable with the decision you have made is the most important part of the whole process. Being a parent is a 100% commitment that you need to be willing to make for the child’s benefit. Similarly, if you decide against adoption but find you are still constantly revisiting the idea in your head, maybe you should rethink your choice.
Choosing adoption can be as easy or as difficult as having a child via traditional means, or deciding to participate in IVF, or deciding to seek a surrogate. Having a child, no matter how you achieve it, is a big deal and a life-changing event. Give yourself and/or your family the proper amount of time to consider everything that adoption brings with it, including the types available and all the steps you have to go through to complete the process.
This article was written by Helen Philips an adoption specialist, who believes that Adoption is advantageous to couples who have issues having their own children.